Tag Archives: Tim Duncan

The NBA Conspiracy Minute: 6-15-14 Game 2

15 Jun

I knew that there was going to be another conspiracy right around the corner. This one isn’t a huge one, but it is worth pointing out because it adds a whole new layer of genius to the San Antonio Spurs and the basketball omnipresence of Greg Popovich. But before I dive in to the conspiracy, I just want to give a little backstory on my relationship with the Spurs. I never really liked them, even when uber-Christian David Robinson was being jammed down my throat by every Sunday school teacher who noticed that I liked basketball I wasn’t a fan. As a kid there was more than one moral lesson revolving around how Christians were better at basketball allowing them to defeat the vile worldliness of crass hooligans like Charles Barkley. All I knew was Barkley beat Godzilla and in my elementary mind there was no amount of Christian magazine features on David Robinson that could take that away from me. So, not a huge fan to begin with. The 1996 season when David Robinson and Sean Elliot were out the majority of the season, thus allowing them to win the Timothy Duncan lottery, my favorite team the Denver Nuggets only had 2 more wins than the Spurs. WE COULD’VE HAD THE GREATEST CENTER/FORWARD IN THE WORLD!! So, for the next decade I held a grudge against the Spurs, so much so that I actively booed Avery Johnson when the Nuggets picked him up. I rooted against them in every playoffs series they played in, which broke my heart because that meant I had to root for the Lakers some years. I grew up thinking they were boring and outright villainous when they regularly beat the Suns. In summation, I’ll say the Spurs had a long way to go to earn my respect. And this is an old story, the stories of people hating the Spurs and coming around to respect them were in vogue two or three years ago after they changed their style to be more seven-second-Suns instead of their former grind-it-out selves, and it happened for me then also. I appreciated them the same time everyone else did, but now this years version of the Spurs are possibly the best basketball team I have ever seen in my life. And they are crushing the Miami Heat. And doing it in the most joyful, entertaining way.

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Having said that, there is a conspiracy theory tied to these Spurs. As I said before, it’s not a very deep one, they don’t need a Deep Throat to uncover it. My theory is that the Spurs knew they were going to crush the Heat, just down right embarrass them, like they’ve done the last two games. And because they were so confident they would win the title they lost game two on purpose so they could win the close out game back on their home court in front their fans who would appreciate it much more than faux-fans of Miami. Well, it didn’t look like they actively tried to lose, but in contrast to their dominating performances in game 3 and 4, it is a wonder how they could have ever lost a game to this Heat team. What I think happened was that Popovich implicated a game plan that didn’t focus as much on ball movement or elements of the game they knew the Heat could react to. It was the playing-everyone version of letting Duncan and crew skip the game in Miami during the regular season. I think it is a very unlikely scenario that any team, especially the Spurs, would willingly lose a NBA Finals game, but after the last two games it makes me wonder how they lost game two. What likely happened was that Pop made the proper adjustments which allowed the Spurs to let their super-dominate colors shine. He is such an amazing basketball mind that he could for two consecutive games anticipate every thing that the Heat were going to do to try to stop their attack and not just design something that Erik Spolstra won’t be excepting, but something that will exploit every hole he didn’t even realize existed. Spolstra is a good coach, but he relies on having the horses. I get the sneaking suspicion that Popovich would still get a team like the Bobcats (RIP) to fifty-plus wins just because he is a master at understanding the game and utilizing his personnel. This is why I think that there is a good chance that Pop willingly allowed his team to lose game two. If that isn’t the case then maybe LeBron is really as good as people say he is because this Spurs team looks flawless. They look invincible and play together so well, I’m a little shocked that they even lost one game the whole year. 



If the NBA was on TV

18 Feb

NBA All-Star weekend just wrapped up, and while everyone was busy claiming that despite it’s flaws the weekend is some of the best TV has to offer. Well, I spent this last month catching up on some quality produced television, and I can say that the All-Star game has nothing on the current golden age of television. However, the claim did put the stupid opinion engine in motion and generated plenty of stupid opinions. The stupidest of them all is this post. Right here, in the very post you are reading now.  Here’s the gimmick: What NBA All-Star embodies what TV show.


LeBron James has to be Game of Thrones. LeBron is playing the best basketball of his career right now, and the last year he erased all doubts about his legitimacy as the best player alive. Nobody can even question it right now, in the same way everyone is watching Game of Thrones. Even people living in homeless shelters without premium cable have found ways to illegally download the show at the city library. Everyone watches it cause it has it all. Game of Thrones is the Pearl Harbor of spoiled latchkey kids, everyone can rally around that show. In both cases, the fans know how both will end, GoT because of the books and LeBron because he’s four steps ahead on the evolutionary timeline and has already crushed every implausible ceiling artificially created for him. It doesn’t matter that people know what is going to happen, everyone is happy to tune in to enjoy the ride.

Tim Duncan and Mad Men. . . He started playing in the 60’s, right?


MVP Chris Paul is like Lena Dunham’s GIRLS. Both are do-everything-fucking-awesome team players that just make whatever they touch turn to gold.  And both owe a tremendous amount to their location and circumstances: CP3 for forcing a trade out of NOLA only to get lucky enough to miss the sinking ship known as the Lakers and end up as a seaworthy Clipper, and as brilliant as Dunham is I really wonder if Tiny Furniture would have been such an indie darling if Aura’s mother was an artist working in the Santa Fe art scene. Would middle America rise up against the girls of GIRLS if it was set in middle America, or is there something sort of cathartic about watching these flawed characters stumble through life in NYC?

Speaking of NYC, the Most Selfish Player in the NBA is Kourtney and Kim Take New York. It’s a shitty show about selfish people who want attention, he’s a shitty, selfish person that wanted to be in a bigger market.

Kevin Durant is like Louie. Where Kevin Durant may have originally looked just like your average run of the mill super scorer, he’s become, to the chagrin of everyone in Seattle, the special once in a lifetime player that defines a team, a city, an era, someone who will change the way the game is played. Louie CK seemed to be on the same career path as one of the non-Amy Poehler members of The Upright Citizens Brigade when he directed Pooty-Tang, but now he’s in his own world. Louie is the do-it-all great television show that transcends the label sitcom and is elevated to, as corny and dopey as this sounds, art. I can totally see a world where high school seniors will be required to watch season two of Louie in there new media class. Durant and Louie are generational treasures.

KG and The Walking Dead. Well, Kevin Garnett just isn’t as good as he used to be and really shouldn’t have been starting in the All-Star game, but massively popular things have a way of riding that popularity wave, just like John McClane surfed on that dump truck in Die Hard: With a Vengeance. The same goes for the extremely popular The Walking Dead, but instead of riding the same quality wave that KG built up over 18 years in the L, The Walking Dead is just riding the current pop obsession with zombies.  The show is proving pop cultures favorite hobby is over-saturating and killing anything with cult appeal, while KG spent the weekend honoring the game and humbly enjoying the last All-Star game of his career. You should have never spent 15 weeks on that farm, Walking Dead, you’ve lost me forever.

James Harden and Justified, I just feel that there has to be someone on that show that has a similar beard.

Dwight Howard and Breaking Bad. If there has ever been a real life equivalent to Walter White, other than that meth dealer named Walter White in Florida, it has to be Dwight Howard. He’s completely broke bad. In one year, Walter White went from beloved husband, father and chemistry teacher to Heisenberg. Now Dwight may have taken longer break bad, but he went from being on the cover a Xian magazine to knocking up and walking out on then Magic dancer and future Basketball Wife, to getting his coach fired, burning his legacy as he whined his way out of town and is now the anchor that is dragging the once proud Lakers franchise to the ocean floor. I have the feeling that Kobe is Pinkman, Nash is Mike, and Bill Simmons is Hank. We won’t know how Breaking Bad turns out for another few months, but no matter what happens in the last 8 episodes; Dwight Howard is a dick.