More False Idols of Pop Culture

14 Dec

There’s been some discussion of which current icons of pop culture could represent the old gods. That post inspired a retort which pointed out some celebrities who don’t deserve the idolatry current pop culture bestows upon them. Really it’s just an excuse for me to rant, but I felt better after doing so. Well I need another cathartic release so it’s time for me to once again remove some false gods from their alters, exposing their fallibility and making them unworthy of any public praise.

Chris Hardwick

Chris Hardwick:

The pedestal he’s perched on:  He hosts a Comedy Central show about the internet (because that’s never been done before) and AMC’s Talking Dead. Additionally he makes TV appearances often talking about how cool geeky things are.

Why his pedestal should topple: He’s the perfect embodiment of how someone can get famous for doing absolutely zilch. He’s created nothing and achieved status using the shtick “I like the same things you like so you should like me too.” He leaches off material produced by other talented people that already has a mass audience and jumps on the band wagon for a free ride. First I saw him on Late night TV hyping Dr. Who, thanks for telling us about a show that’s been on for 50 years. Then Walking Dead blew up and he got a show called Talking Dead where all he does is talk about Walking Dead. What’s next? Talking Talking Dead, a show where he talks about what happened on Talking Dead? When I finally get around to watching Wreck-It Ralph, I paused the Blu-Ray and Chris Hardlick pops up “Hey did you notice this video game Easter Egg in the background?…” You’re a nonentity in this movie. Get off my screen you fucking Nothing! The final straw came with his show Talking Bad. I’ve been watching Breaking Bad since episode 1 aired 5 years ago, now with only 6 shows left in the series this imp shows up to tell ME what Breaking Bad’s about. Try taking a risk and making something unique or get banished back to the wasteland of MTV where your types belong.

Wes Anderson

Wes Anderson:

The pedestal he’s perched on: The movies he’s directed are known for having great casts and being arty, and funny. His next movie The Grand Budapest Hotel is already getting great press and it’s 3 months from being released.

Why his pedestal should topple: Think about the first 2 movies you saw that were directed by Wes Anderson. Mine were Royal Tenenbaums, then Rushmore, those are my favorite movies he’s directed. I’ll bet dollars to donuts you follow the same pattern, no matter which of his movies you saw first then second, they are your favorites. Wes Anderson has only made 2 good movies and those 2 movies happen to be whichever 2 movies you see first. His style is unique when compared with other films but against themselves they’re repetitive and predictable. Examples include how they’re all mostly set a in confined space; a house, submarine, train, an underground den. Every movie will have at least one shot where a bunch of characters all stare into a static camera with deadpan expressions. All movies feature a male protagonist who gets involved with a woman that he’ll never be able to keep. These, along with his other tropes leave me so bored all I can see are stupid plot elements. Am I really supposed to accept a train has gotten lost? When that kid in Moonrise Kingdom got struck by lightning then gets up and says “I’m fine” it marked the first time I walked out on a movie I’d rented. As for Fantastic Mr. Fox that stop motion looked so shitty, everything seemed lifeless. As if someone was trying to put on some macabre puppet show using taxidermy (which I would watch if done correctly, meaning not for kids). Go see Grand Budapest Hotel if it’s your first Wes Anderson movie. I’m skipping it.


The pedestal they’re perched on: By my calculations there’s about 8.13 x 10^42 movies, books, and TV shows dealing with vampires and it shows no signs of stopping.

Why this Pedestal should topple: See Above, also there’s nowhere else to go with vampires, every idea about vampires has been had and manifested in some form. Vampires are the most overused cliché ever. We’re saturated with every permutation of vampires that any attention grabbing hack can pull out of their ass. As for this current trend to make vampires young, hip, tormented fashion models we can mostly thank Twilight for. I’ll just say that in my day Vampires sucked blood, not cock. But I’m not going to hate on Twilight because it’s too easy, plus the problem existed long before that. Take the popular origin myth of the classic vampire, Dracula. Typing “Dracula” into an Amazon search will yield 22,990 results. Do we really need that many Draculas? (But I can’t find my favorite one “Dracula: Done to Death” Bonus points for anyone who gets that reference). Ever read the old Bram Stoker book? I fucking dare you! Cause it can’t be done, the thing is unreadable, it’s so awful. I wish I knew why people are so fascinated with Vampires. I just don’t get it and never will.

Felt good letting that out, I could use a drink.

Carl Wells


One Response to “More False Idols of Pop Culture”


  1. Webbed Prose | Stupid Opinions Written Poorly - January 23, 2014

    […] The goal with Webbed Prose is to stretch the old creative muscles and tendons a little bit and share interesting/inspiring articles. Fingers crossed this becomes more than a one-off entry and develops a life on par with Carl Well’s on-going Pop Gods posts. […]

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