How Bad Wasn’t Thor 2?

14 Nov

I know I know I put Thor 2 on my Fuck it list. But as my 5th grade D.A.R.E. officer told me, peer pressure is an awful thing. It seemed like too many people were talking about what a big deal Thor 2 was and I kinda wanted to find out first hand what all the fuss was about.

IMG_2673When I was extended an invitation to join some friends at the local googla-plex theater (which also serves 32oz beer) I accepted. I’m weak, what can I say? Especially when beer is involved, Mmmm, didn’t that D.A.R.E. officer also warn how peers use alcohol to pressure you into things you wouldn’t otherwise do?…Ahhh must’ve not been important.

Besides, it is good to sometimes test your ability to judge a movie as “bad” based solely on the preview, by going out to genuinely see it. That way you can reaffirm that you still can predict which movies are bad without actually having seen them.

Thor: The Dark World was over the top, silly, and stupid, but they knew it, and used it to their advantage just enough to keep it from being boring.

thor 2 movie poster

Trying to go over the story and worrying about spoiling it is just an exercise in futility. Because I’ve realized something, the people who keep seeing these comic book movies, just want to be dazzled. The plot doesn’t matter if you got big men and beautiful women in a mostly CG environment with an operatic score and lots of destruction, that’s the movie. Even if I revealed the whole story and all its secrets and gaps and twists and logic flaws it wouldn’t change the mind of anyone. Nobody is seeing these movies to think about them. This has all been said before but what I’ve realized is that comic book movies function more like rock concerts. People go to see the living embodiment of something they already loved  in its simpler form. So have the people audiences expect to see, be loud, exciting, include tons of eye candy, with an encore and you got a hit.

Thor: The Dark World truly is an embarrassment of riches, every shot looks like it cost a billion dollars. There’s this stuff called “Aether” that makes planets go dark or something, it’s like floating cranberry juice flowing in and out and through itself. If someone could just go ahead and make that a screensaver, that would be great. This Aether infuses into Natalie Portman’s body and anytime someone touches her the Aether creates a crimson explosion knocking everyone down. Except Thor, he can touch her because???? The whole show is absurdly engrossing to look at. My favorite parts of the first Thor were in Asgard. Thor 2 spends much more time there and it was fun seeing more of that world and even better watching it attacked by ships that look like flying black blades who’ve also got weapons that create miniature black holes but they’re no match for a hammer. Anthony Hopkins as Odin remains conscious unlike the first Thor. However Odin is supposed to be this powerful being, let’s see him kick some ass instead of just ordering people around.

Thor 2

I’m aware everybody loves Tom Hiddleston but Loki is just not a threatening presence. Instead of the Villain I see him more as a whining emo man-boy, crying cause daddy didn’t hug him. In Norse mythology Loki isn’t a bad guy, he’s a trickster who sometimes plays pranks on his fellow gods and sometimes helps them, usually out of trouble he himself caused. Norse mythology also includes a little known tidbit about the Frost Giants (Movie Loki technically is a Frost Giant). The Frost Giants were created by the god Ymir’s feet having sex with each other. Seriously. Portray that origin story Hollywood, I dare you! Luckily this movie’s main villain isn’t Loki, it’s some sort of albino space elf who thinks the universe it too bright and wants to bring darkness everywhere, probably because he can’t go into daylight without being sunburned. The space elf goes to London at the end of the movie and so much wild shit gets thrown at the audience in the final battle, it is hard to decipher what’s actually going on. But there is a lot of visually exciting stuff, like worm holes, gravity shifts, space ships, monsters, lightening, shape shifting, and the flying cranberry juice Aether.

They knew this was going to be a dumb movie before they made it and just decided to make the best dumb movie they could. This gives Thor a comedic flavor. I mean who would really design costumes with shoulder pads bigger than football uniforms and put horns on everything if they didn’t want me to laugh at it? I thought the movie was really funny both intentionally and unintentionally. Nevertheless it is the umpteenthth movie in the Marvel film factory and we all know the drill at this point. It might be kind of fun to watch as a guilty pleasure but ultimately doesn’t distinguish itself from other comic book movies and the main story has no resonance or staying power and is easily forgotten the next day.

There was an encore / teaser in the credits that had Benecio Del Toro in some crazy get-up. If anyone knows what the Hell that was about please tell me.

Carl Wells

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One Response to “How Bad Wasn’t Thor 2?”

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  1. A Stupid Opinion about Spider-Man that Aimlessly Wonders Off Topic | Stupid Opinions Written Poorly - May 8, 2014

    […] next to the Disney owned Marvel-verse. Even the potentially dreadful Thor 2 turned out to be a more complete and entertaining movie than […]

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