Top 5 Fictional Beers

16 Oct

If a bartender asks what you want and you respond with “a beer”, then the bartender likely stares at you blankly for a few seconds before listing which beers are available. One of the most annoying interactions in movies and television is when someone orders “a beer” at a bar, and the bartender gladly plops down some suds without question. Why does this happen? Is it too much of a hassle to get permission to use a trademarked name? Wouldn’t breweries love the free advertisement? It is great when fictional characters order real beers (e.g. Walter White drinks Fat Tire). It is even better when writers go the length to create fictional beers for their characters to enjoy. Ranking the top 5 fictional beers is certainly a pointless endeavor, which is exactly why it is worth writing about on Stupid Opinions.

Dishonorable Mention:

Honorable Mention:

  • Samuel L. Jackson Beer from Chappelle’s Show. Dave Chappelle being crazy before he was certifiable with this beer that will get you drunk!
  • Schraderbräu from Breaking Bad. Hank Schrader was quite fond of his own creation, and it was probably not half bad for a homebrew considering Hank’s meticulous nature.

And, now, for the top 5 fictional beers:

5. Alamo Beer from King of the Hill

King of the Hill

Hank and friends doin their thang with some Alamos

There is actually a real Alamo beer now, but there is no relation to Hank’s personal favorite brand. Alamo Beer is likely a lager similar to other domestic beers such as Budweiser. It comes “from the lukewarm headwaters of the mighty Brazos River,” and (like Pabst Blue Ribbon) it is reknown for being an award winning beer — winner of the Munich Beer Festival in 1849. Alamo deserves a spot in the top 5 because every episode of KotH opens with Hank and friends enjoying beer as life flies by in front of them, and there are several episodes that reference the beer or have plots that revolve around it.

4. Shotz Beer from Laverne and Shirley

Shotz Beer

This label isn’t phallic at all! 8=D (get your mind out of the gutter, that emoticon is a guy wearing glasses with a really big smile)

This Happy Days spin-off takes place in Milwaukee just a few blocks from the real life, once famous Schlitz Brewing Company. Being that Shotz is most likely playing off of Schlitz, that would mean it is also an adjunct American lager like Alamo. Shotz definitely deserves a spot in the top 5 because it was a centerpiece of the show. Every episode famously opens with the two women making their way to work in the brewery on the bottle capping line. The show capitalized on the rich brewing history of Milwaukee. True to history, Laverne and Shirley lost their jobs due to automation and had to move to California. Without beer, the show soon lost its pizzazz and went out off the air… just sayin.

3. Buzz Beer from The Drew Carey Show

Buzz Beer

This rowdy crowd loved beer, coffee, and roller coasters.

The Drew Carey Show was a very underrated sitcom that took place in Cleveland and relied heavily on plots based on Buzz Beer. Buzz Beer is an extremely popular concoction of beer and coffee. Buzz Beer is a must on this list because the show pretty much encapsulates every homebrewer’s dream. Drew Carey begins brewing beer in his basement and, with the help of his friends, turns his hobby into a business. Several episodes revolve around brewing Buzz Beer, having business meetings, distributing Buzz Beer, and drinking. The show tried to make coffee beer seem like a groundbreaking new product, but that simply isn’t so. Brewers have been making coffee beers for years, and there is even a coffee beer category at Great American Beer Festival. Regardless, Buzz Beer’s major role on The Drew Carey Show definitely merits a top fictional beer spot.

2. Elsinore from Strange Brew

Strange Brew

If you haven’t seen this movie, then you need to take off, you hoser!

Strange Brew has to be the best movie ever made about beer. Brothers Bob and Doug McKenzie embark on a silly beer adventure loosely based on Hamlet. It is unclear exactly what style of beer Elsinore is, but watch out for mice in bottles or mind controlling drugs. Elsinore is most definitely one of the greatest fictional beers ever created. The brewery has a rich family history, and the beer has very loyal imbibers (even dogs). If you haven’t seen it, then DO! This wacky, cult, Canadian comedy most certainly needs to be watched with beer in hand.

1. Duff beer from The Simpsons

Duff Man

All the greatest superheroes have beer belts.

When a show has been on the air for 25 seasons with a main character who has a penchant for beer, then you better believe Duff Beer from The Simpsons has to be numero uno on the list of top fictional brews. Over the years, writers on The Simpsons have developed this brand so much that there are multiple taglines, countless advertisements, an official spokesman, numerous variants, a theme park, and even a competing brand — Fudd, which supposedly makes hillbillies go blind. Homer’s favorite variety is regular Duff, which is apparently the exact same beer as Duff Light and Duff Dry. Being a parody of stereotypical, cheap, poor quality, domestic beer, Duff is likely comparable to a Bud — a light, lager. Never thought you’d be able to try this beer? Think again. Several countries produce knock off Duff that has had Matt Groening in a fit, but you can taste an official Duff in Moe’s Tavern at Universal Studios in Florida.

So there you have it. The top 5 fictional beers. What do you think? Would you rank them differently? Add to the list? Which would you like to drink most? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

If you’re still interested, there is a whole mess of fictional beers:
http://brookstonbeerbulletin.com/fictional-beer-brands/
http://legendsofbeer.wordpress.com/2008/12/30/15-famous-beers-youll-probably-never-drink/
 
Derek is a new contributor to Stupid Opinions Written Poorly. Follow him on Twitter at @derekwgilmore
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4 Responses to “Top 5 Fictional Beers”

  1. Carl Wells October 18, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

    I think this is a pretty good list, if I had to pick one thing to change it would be that the best movie about beer is clearly Beerfest. They brew Schnitzengiggle, a red beer that is so good “I want it to put its dick in me.”

    • Derek October 18, 2013 at 5:32 pm #

      Beerfest is a also a good beer centric movie. It doesn’t have the cult following of Strange Brew, however. Also, it demands you drink more when watching it because it has less substance than Strange Brew.

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