12 Jun

I was looking forward to the movie Now You See Me. It has a superior cast and is kind of an alternative to the rest of the movies in theaters right now. But be warned, to use a word that the movie overuses, it is all “misdirection”. I think the term also applies to how the director managed this movie. Here are some of the thoughts I had while sitting in the theater.

Woody Harrelson looks really weird with a full head of long flowing hair.

Jesse Eisenberg shouldn’t attempt to grow facial hair unless it is for comedic effect.

Isla Fisher is doing a really weird American accent.

Did James Franco get a face lift to be in this movie?

When Michael Caine speaks his own name it sounds like he is saying “my cocaine”.

The movie tells us about a great magic trick that happened 20 years ago where a magician was doing one of those “Is this your card” tricks in central park. They cut down an old growth tree in Central Park and the card is inside the tree, the wood has grown around it. So first of all they don’t cut down old trees in Central Park because of magic. The worse part comes later…

Morgan Freeman plays someone who makes a career out of revealing the secrets to how magicians do their tricks. That’s really easy seeing as how the magicians left all their special props and sets just as they are when they’re done with the show and anyone is allowed to just walk backstage the next day and see for themselves. Morgan Freeman is only there to provide exposition which makes for just awful dialog, at least he’s a good guy and won’t end up in jail like he has in at least 5 other movies.

A cop is not a good profession for the Hulk cause Mark Ruffalo is pissed off in every frame of this movie. Despite being partnered up with a blonde French woman from Interpol who clearly has the hots for him.

Wait why is Interpol even concerned about American magicians? Oh right, they robbed a bank to give the audience back the money they lost in the financial collapse. But rather than rob say an American Bank that caused the problem, they rob an unrelated French bank that was holding Swiss francs. Obvious problems with this; wouldn’t it make more sense if a French bank had Euros in the vault instead of Swiss Francs? Additionally, what good are Swiss Francs or Euros to an American audience? I know you can have them exchanged but it just seems like if you have “magic” you could do better.

Literally in every shot the camera is moving, not panning not tilting, moving like on tracks, handheld, or on a dolly, I guess a tripod wasn’t around. It is very distracting and like most everything else in this movie, very unnecessary.

Mark Ruffalo/angry cop is holding a loaded gun at one of the magicians who decides to battle a firearm with, wait for it… cards. The best part is magicman screams “Wait!” and Mark actually waits while he breaks out a deck of cards and proceeds to throw one card at a time toward the cop…and wins, the lesson is the 7 of hearts beats a pistol.

Part of the magic show involved hypnotizing people to believe they’re football players and to tackle anyone who says “Freeze”. Cop/Mark is in the audience so he watches this happen. Then decides to run on stage to make an arrest shouting “Freeze!” dickhead gets slammed to the ground, and team magic escapes, well duh. As a cop, he sucks.

The final act is a huge theft from a safe where the cash rains down on the audience. But it’s fake money with pictures of the magicians on it. So let’s review: the point of this movie is magicians rob banks to redistribute through the audience. How many actual dollars in total did these audiences get? ZERO!

The magicians are actually robbing banks to get into a secret society called “The Eye” in doing so they send Morgan Freeman to jail, he was framed. Sorry that’s 6 movies with jail time.

“The Eye” tells team magic to go to the tree that had the card in it. The movie had said earlier that tree had been cut down. Well not only is the tree still alive but it is a famous commemorative tree to that old magician with a plaque and the card is not inside the tree just recessed into the bark a little.

Mark meets them there he’s not a cop after all, he was the mastermind and he’s here to accept them into “The Eye” club. They all walk over and we all find out that this super secret club that has existed for thousands of years consists of riding on a merry-go-round and then just vanishing off the horses.

Mark confronts the Interpol officer in Paris and reveals that his dad was a magician who died after being locked in a safe and dropped into a river and that the safe nor body was ever recovered. That’s why he did it, to get back at the safe company. Because the metal had warped in the water and killed his dad. How do you know the metal warped? You just said they never found the safe. Anyway the Interpol chick isn’t going to arrest him because now they’re in love for some reason.

Normally I wouldn’t spoil the ending for a movie but this one was so bad I had to prevent as many people as seeing it as I can and this way even if you’re mad at me for ruining the surprise you still hopefully won’t ever see it. Mission accomplished. If you want to see a great movie about magicians that also has Michael Caine (my cocaine) watch THE PRESTIGE.

Carl Wells


25 Responses to “NOW YOU SEE ME AND IT SUCKED”

  1. Irene June 20, 2013 at 5:14 am #

    Thanks, I thought this movie was horrible too. And I completely cannot get why so many people LOVE it and thought it was amazing. To add, some of the tricks looked so ridiculous (the bubbles) it is funny how the audience reacted with such enthusiasm and surprise.

  2. Carl Wells June 20, 2013 at 2:12 pm #

    All the good reviews were what got me to see it. People must have been paid to write good things about it. I thought the tricks were corny, the checks changing values was really lame.

  3. David August 11, 2013 at 6:21 pm #

    It was horrible. Pretencious and annoying. Not one likeable character and way over the top. The ending was laughable.

  4. Tom September 11, 2013 at 3:53 am #

    I agree one hundred percent. Awful movie! Great critique by the way.

  5. jiggly tits September 14, 2013 at 3:50 am #

    just so you know it was not James Franco its his younger brother dave

  6. PedantPete November 2, 2013 at 9:13 am #

    I watched this film last night and actually thought it was pretty good. The reviewer seems to struggle with English grammar so perhaps he’s not the most qualified person to comment on the nuances of the plot or performances.

    • Carl Wells November 2, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

      I assure you the qualifications to comment on a blog titled Stupid Opinions Written Poorly are very low indeed.

      • Smelly November 4, 2013 at 3:49 am #

        Agreed- perhaps the subject is all together over their heads

    • ccharlesconfidential November 4, 2013 at 2:32 pm #

      More likely this was just a terrible movie. And please used your nuanced word-of-the-day calendar on some other site’s comment section.

    • Joey joe jo December 29, 2013 at 7:49 am #

      Wow. You people must surely retarded to enjoy this bucket of pig vomit you call this movie. I downloaded it and turned it off 25 minutes in. Fuck jessie eisenburg and his faggot gorrilla head.

      • Joey joe jo December 29, 2013 at 7:50 am #

        Must surely be retarded*

  7. LawTeen214 January 3, 2014 at 2:34 pm #

    for all you haters, shut up. the movie was quite amazing and if you didnt like it, theres no reason to blabble complete nonsense cc about how much you hated it because youre just no life losers who hates for a living. get a new life. you probably cant even do a single trick the acters did or make a better movie much less even write a script. im not a fan of magic but this movie was actually good and qute entertaining.

    • Al March 2, 2014 at 8:16 pm #

      All of the tricks were in CG, so why even try to make the person feel bad for not being able to do something that wasn’t really done to begin with. I also suggest that you at least attempt to use proper grammar and spelling before defending something you like. Ironic that the majority opinion of this movie here is that ‘”Now You See Me” was stupid, and it’s most rabid fan in the comments couldn’t type ten words without seriously violating the general rules of sentence structure, spelling, and punctuation. Also, telling others to shut up is just a dumb idea when you’re reading a review that is calling the movie dumb. I’m starting to think that maybe you’re dumb, which would explain why you liked this shit movie to begin with.

  8. James January 13, 2014 at 3:31 am #

    The bank wasn’t holding Swiss francs, they were holding Euros. I’ll assume you’ve never seen Euro currency and have no idea what it actually looks like.

    • Carl Wells January 13, 2014 at 2:55 pm #

      Sadly I’ve never seen a Euro so I might have been mistaken on that point. I haven’t seen the movie since it opened so I’d have to re-watch it to make sure. But I’d rather spend 90 minutes hammering dog shit than sitting through this magically disastrous atrocity again.

  9. Robin Playe (Linkard) January 31, 2014 at 11:51 pm #

    You guys are just pathetic 😀

  10. Robin Playe (Linkard) January 31, 2014 at 11:52 pm #

    The title of the website pretty much sums up how ridicoulus this Article is. And all of you didn’t get that?

  11. Will Acko March 1, 2014 at 9:26 am #

    The most embarassing movie I’ve watched in years. It insults anyone with an IQ above 80. Really.

  12. Bobby Bo jenkins August 16, 2014 at 4:58 am #

    I played this movie for my special ed students and they loved it. Don’t know where all the hate is coming from.

    • Carl Wells August 16, 2014 at 8:16 am #

      We live in an age where every movie eventually finds it’s audience.

  13. thelcrysis September 2, 2014 at 3:55 pm #

    Movie is not bad at al.

  14. Glenn in the UK October 6, 2014 at 12:04 pm #

    I totally agree with the review … I watched it based on the cast, and was sorely disappointed. The ended just makes you consider the plot holes more strongly, I’m afraid, pushing the film from being annoying to being excruciating.

  15. JustPlainBobby April 20, 2015 at 4:13 pm #

    I just watched this on HBO last night… I hate myself. I hate this movie more, but I still hate myself.

  16. madmarrt January 19, 2016 at 4:55 pm #

    Watched the movie. Hated it with every cell of my body. How can anyone like this (i rarely use this term:) piece of shit. There is so much wrong with this movie. The only people who i can imagine to like this film are fools that think cgi or raining money onto an audience equals a great magic trick. Or maybe they can just relate being showered with money and that gives them a rush. Does anyone even read the script before accepting a role? Or before starting to film? Shit film, do not watch.

    A Good indicator for bad movies recently: If Morgan Freeman explains something in it, it is a bad movie:
    -Love Guru (Narrator)
    -Transcendence (God, i so much anticipated that movie, but “ex machina” saved me)
    -Lucy (A retard could write a better screenplay, with a spoon, also the 10% Myth? really?)

  17. Vaseem Khan April 28, 2016 at 10:21 pm #

    Reblogged this on Vaseem Khan.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: