The Golden Cult of the Dubs

2 May

This is not written in the spirit of bitterness or vengeance or sullen sportsmanship. If anything, the inevitable defeat has opened my eyes to the bigger picture of how the NBA playoffs are just another microcosm for society as a whole.

Here are the facts: The Golden State Warriors lost to the Denver Nuggets in game five at the Pepsi Center. Stephen Curry has been on fire and is now going to be considered a superstar after the first three games of this series. After the game Warriors coach, former Nugget point guard and former TNT analyst  said the Nuggets put out a hit on Curry, the Nuggets were dirty players and that he had a man “inside” the Nuggets locker room. That’s what happened.

This is what it makes me think about. Mark Jackson has been constantly praised by his former co-workers as being as stand-up guy, in the mic’d huddles he makes it a point to tell his players that he loves them, and I remember from his playing days that he would tie his wedding ring to his shoes because he didn’t want to spend a minute of his life without honoring that commitment to his wife. This of course is highly logical because Shaq, Kobe and the 99% of the NBA that cheats on their wives will tell you that the 48 minutes of playing basketball is the time when marital fidelity is most challenged. What I’ve been lead to believe is that Mark Jackson is an all around good, no, scratch that, great guy. He’s the kind of guy that everyone should aspire to be.

Well, the ongoing lesson of my life, and particularly recurring in my following of professional sports, is that if something is too good to be true, we should just go on believing it’s true, until we’re proved horribly wrong. So, while Mark Jackson appears to be the very model of a person whom we should trust when he claims he has “inside information,” he isn’t. It’s lie. A tactic usually reserved for the principal’s offices of middle schools across America has now moved to the realm of professional sports, and I guess it makes sense with all the other lies sports fans swallow to be afforded the luxury of a 24-hour sports news cycle. And if Mark Jackson is willing to cash in his life long reputation on something as trivial as a first-round playoff series, it makes me think the Warriors organization has their hooks deeper in Mr. Jackson than most franchises have in their coaches. Is it possible that the Golden State Warriors are closer to a cult than to a traditionally assumed mismanaged franchise, and the team’s perpetual failure is based more on karma retribution than bad luck and woeful personnel decisions.

Hear me out, usually when people are in the spotlight and are such holier than thou people as Mark Jackson’s friends will have you think, it probably means that they’re carrying on illicit relations with prostitutes, crystal meth and Livestrong bracelets. I don’t doubt that there are people as good as Mark Jackson claims to be, but they just aren’t in the public eye, and they definitely aren’t basketball coaches on the professional level. Being famous for being a boy scout is the kiss of death when it comes to that boy scout reputation. And what can cause people to willingly forsake their scruples? Well, as far as I can tell it’s this call to support the greater good of the group they think is greater than them. In this case, it just happens to be that the greater good is the entire organization of the Golden State Warriors. The Dubs are the Westboro Baptist Church and Heaven’s Gate of the NBA. Let’s look at some evidence:

-The Warrior fans are insanely loud at all times of the game. They have such laser focus to yelling at the top of their lungs at all times, winning, losing, during the national anthem, and that kind of devotion can only be obtained with a healthy dose of brainwashing. And this kind of devotion carries the heavy cost of uniform devotion by everyone involved. Any shred of free thought will be destroyed for the sake of the great good of the Church of the Dubs.




-As great as the Warriors jerseys are, they weren’t uniform enough for the special group of god’s chosen golden warriors, no they need to have an even crazier jerseys that will really bond the team together when they are mocked for looking so silly. I’m surprised that they didn’t opt to go for the Heaven’s Gate Airs to be their team shoe.


-And with most religious establishments, cult or otherwise, there’s going to be a huge amount of hypocrisy, which is exactly what Jackson’s comments after game 5 show. This is the same guy who intentionally fouled a team to keep them from breaking the all-time 3 point record and said:

“We’re not going to lie down,” Jackson said. “I was an old-school basketball player. I’m an old-school coach. If you can’t appreciate that, that’s on you.”

Cause, of course, getting blown out by thirty is much more important and prudent use of “dirty” play. And while it may not be on the big stage, “dirty players” more routinely defined by getting ejected from a mid-season blowout for committing flagrant fouls with less than a minute left in the game than setting hard screens.

-Lastly, even the golden child isn’t going to let some stoned fan disrespect the holy crusade that is the Warriors quest to prove the validity of the franchise.

I feel that is it pretty conclusive that the Warriors franchise is really just the most well financed cult this side of Scientology, and if they advance out of the first round that chances the entire city of Oakland will drink the kool-aid and think that this team bound to represent the Western Conference in the Finals.  Color me dubious.

-C. Charles 


One Response to “The Golden Cult of the Dubs”


  1. A Stupid Opinion About Tanking | Stupid Opinions Written Poorly - January 29, 2014

    […] born in New Delhi. Well, it’s not. There is a rich tradition of having stupid opinions about basketball too. One of the reasons for the drop off in stupid basketball coverage is all the talk of tanking. Not […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: