Bisque Rage and the Futility in Creating

26 Mar

Apple really got its computer domination ball rolling by pitching the idea that everyone with a MacBook could consider themselves an artist. Once YouTube was sterilized and legalized enough to be worth protecting by Google, everyone could share videos with ease. All the while the proto-pseudo-celebrity, patient zero in the epidemic of being-famous-for-being-famous, Paris Hilton, was cashing in on her . . . well, we still don’t know what, but whatever it was it made this dumb, rich woman even richer. This perfect storm baited a naive and disillusioned version of myself into think that maybe I didn’t just have to appreciate films, but I could also make them.

Welp, that being said, another self-produced wake-up call has shown once again that making films is much harder than expected. A few weekends back, I and a few like-minded individuals decided to enter a film challenge called Bisque Rage. The spirit of the event was to get drunk and make movies that exude enthusiasm, excitement and any 101 of the other movie making adjectives that are related to the excitement of making movies. The event curators came out and filmed 90 seconds worth of a movie complete with broken eggs, ski masks, bullhorn rap (very under appreciated sub-genre), spray painting and smashing a TV set from the late 80s. Pretty much everything short of putting a safety-pin in their ear. Fired up and inspired, we went out to the world where I proceeded to film a dude for 20 minutes while he tried to put a concrete guard pole back in the ground after he hit it with his Staples truck. Clearly, I didn’t quite grab on to the spirit of the presentation.


By the time I simultaneously realized that this man wasn’t going to get the parking stump back and that this was the most boring footage ever committed to the ones and zeros of digital cinema, the group had a plan to troll the Bisque Rage big shots by producing an ironic Harlem Shake video, where instead of the bass kicking it, it would just be one of us chiding everyone for being so stupid to like the derivative pile of dongs.

However, since we still had six hours before we had to turn in our video we decided to go ahead and film another idea as well. Make no mistake, I’m not showing this video out of pride, or even an obligation to the team members, I’m showing this to prove once again that I have no business making films or having aspirations of making films. From my drunken recollection, someone drunken Bisque Rager called this film the most offensive film of the group, and not because it is in any way offensive, just because it is so poorly made that it offended even the drunken-anything-goes spirit of Bisque Rage. Enjoy:

This video was so poorly received that not even all the members of the group have completed even a single viewing of the film. At 82 seconds, it is still too much of a commitment for the people who made it to finish.

Our plan was to troll the party with an ironic-poorly-made-chastising Harlem Shake video, but instead did it with our real entry. The Harlem Shake video, unfortunately turned very earnest when we added the base line and caught the Harlem Shake fever a little bit, but don’t worry, in a continual sense of universal irony, our blatant attempt at view baiting, failed miserably. The clip was a hit at the viewing party, but in its online posting has yet to reach triple digit views.

At least I can still post poorly written stupid opinions in complete anonymity from anyone other than the Google algorithm. And knowing that I at least have a complicated math problem reading, and possibly watching my stuff makes all the difference in the world.



One Response to “Bisque Rage and the Futility in Creating”

  1. Carl Wells March 29, 2013 at 7:30 am #

    I agree the videos are beyond disappointing, nice job expressing the opinion of how awful they are…Ha ha

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